99 Reasons Why

Hello you.
Today (March 19th) sees the publication of the new Caroline Smailes book, ‘99 REASONS WHY‘ and it’s a book with a difference. I know people always say that, but this time it’s true.
 You may have seen Caroline speaking on BBC Breakfast the other week (as well as other media sources to be found recently on Caroline’s blog here) and I think it’s great that the concept that makes it unique in today’s electronic publishing world is being bandied about and discussed.
To capitalize on the wonders of technology ’99 REASONS WHY’ comes with 9 different endings which readers can navigate through using multiple choice questions (if you own a Kindle) or via a spinning story wheel (if you own an iPad or iPhone). But there are also two additional endings that are not included in the book. 

One of these endings is directly below, the other one will be handwritten by Caroline and auctioned for charity.

If you are wondering whether it’s okay to read this before reading the book (which you really should, by the way, because it is ace) don’t worry – there are still loads of endings to choose from in the ebook. Why not collect them all ???
You can head over to Caroline’s website to learn more, or you could just pop over to Amazon right now and purchase a truly brilliant piece of work by an author at the top of her game.

Thank you….and now, for your reading pleasure, I present:
99: the reason why I was only worth ninety-nine quid

It’s been six days since the little girl in the pink coat went missing and me Uncle Phil’s in me bedroom. We’ve been watching the little girl in the pink coat’s mam on the news. She was appealing to the public for witnesses.

‘Didn’t realise she had a mam,’ I says, looking at me telly.

‘Everyone’s got a mam, pet,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.

‘She sold her story to The Sun,’ I says, looking at me telly.

‘Got a few quid,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.

I nod.

‘She wanted nowt to do with that bairn before all this,’ me Uncle Phil says, looking at me telly.

‘Do you know where she is?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.

‘Belle?’ me Uncle Phil asks me.

I nod.

‘She’s safe,’ me Uncle Phil says to me. ‘Your mam’s keeping an eye on her.’

‘Can I be her mam?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.

‘No, pet, you’re a filthy whore,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.

I nod.

‘Can you make Andy Douglas come back, Uncle Phil?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.

Me Uncle Phil shakes his head.

‘I love him,’ I tell me Uncle Phil.

‘Andy Douglas is your brother, pet. You didn’t seriously think Princess Di was your mam, did you?’ 
me Uncle Phil asks me.

I nod.

‘You’re a cradle snatcher just like your mam,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.

I nod.

‘Your mam miscarried when she found out I’d been banging Betty Douglas. Betty was expecting you,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.

I don’t speak.

‘When you was born, your mam went mad and I ended up buying you from Betty Douglas for ninety-nine quid,’ me Uncle Phil says.

‘Ninety-nine quid?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.

‘I paid a hundred but got a quid change for some chips for your mam and dad’s tea,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.

‘You bought me?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.

I’m a little bit sick in me mouth.

‘It was the right thing to do,’ me Uncle Phil says to me. ‘I got Betty Douglas pregnant straight away with Andy.’

‘I’m pregnant,’ I says to me Uncle Phil. ‘I’m pregnant with me brother’s baby,’ I says, and then I throws up on me purple carpet.

‘You’re a filthy whore,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.

‘What am I going to do?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.

‘You’re going to have the baby,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.

‘Have me brother’s baby?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.

‘Then I’m giving it to Betty Douglas to bring up,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.

‘You what?’ I says to me Uncle Phil.

‘It’s the right thing to do,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.

‘I can’t—’ I says to me Uncle Phil.

‘It’s either that or I’ll make you disappear,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.

I don’t speak.

I’m thinking, they’re all a bunch of nutters.

That is just one of the 99 Reasons Why this book is special. Proper uniquely special. In typical Caroline Smailes fashion she is able to peer through the murky windows of fractured suburbia and present her flawed but engaging characters in a manner to make you almost believe it was happening right now in a council estate near you…

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